Welcome to my Moonbox: a gathering of musings, learnings, and aspirations held (perhaps, sometimes only briefly) by the many expressions of me, Sarita.

From the desk:

Post-Mastectomy, My Body Has Found

Kitten bites my robe, in play
there is a lump in the robe—
it is my breast—I mean, implant—
it takes a second to see
what my kitten has in his mouth—this is technically
my body, technically something, 
once more than
something merely seen—
I check to make sure
kitten didn't leave any marks—
this once-so-tender place, this
once able feel
of my husband's hands.

I recently spent an afternoon
hot springs by the river
bikini top and me asking
friends, please keep an eye—
I can't tell, I can't feel—
you must let me know
if something slips.

On a summer afternoon
the plastic surgeon inspects her work—
she apologizes, her hands
will be cold—and I laugh
as she cups and squeezes
and lifts to see each scar,
because, you know by now,
don't you?

You can see what I see
but I can no longer feel what you feel.

We have all looked into the dark
and sworn we saw something move
at the edges, those corners,
those round swaths of eerie possibility—
my husband knows where
my skin discerns itself and where
it does not—and between the islands
of numbness my body has found
something else sensational—
when he gently rests
a warm palm upon my sternum,
the tender world I once knew
slips back.

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Life updates: I had to shelve a lot of things this summer. My goal to secure another professional running contract is on pause, and if you’ve been following my updates, then obviously one factor is the lack of response to my solicitations, but the other reason is an unfortunate case of IT-band syndrome. I’ve had some imbalances in my running form and in my pelvic orientation. Tag on months of wearing different running shoes to figure out what doesn’t hurt, and months of recovering/taking time off due to my last surgery — I suppose my body hit some sort of tipping point. Even if my mind was ready to move on with my life and drive toward goal after goal, this grand vision of comeback like a dangling carrot, it seems my body needs more time to process what has happened to me this year.

A lot has happened this summer alone. I attended a trail running event, then I had to return home (home-home, as in, California) for a funeral. I spent time at my dad’s house, something that is rather new/rare to me as an adult. Beyond travel and visiting, my attempts to take it easy and mitigate my running injury ultimately failed.

I had to withdraw from all four races I’d signed up for. Two of them allowed for deferment to next year, which is great, but there were two that did not. One of those, however, is a fundraiser for our local search and rescue, so at least the money went to a good cause. I was really depressed about all of this at first, letting go of a dream, accepting that I am once again injured (embarrassed even), coping with the dopamine withdrawals, etc etc. As fate would have it, my health insurance mailed me a letter notifying me of my plan’s term date: Sept 30th. This is three months sooner than I assumed it would be. My own plan to wait until November for my next BRCA-related surgery was obviously thrown out the window.

Thankfully, my surgeon was able to get me on the schedule for August. It’s beyond annoying to have to rush this surgery solely because of my insurance plan and the fact that I’ve already met my out-of-pocket max…Classic U.S.A.

So, my laparoscopic bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy (fallopian tubes & ovaries) will be on August 19th (next week!). I will begin hormone replacement therapy that very night. Even though the physical recovery time is less than my double mastectomy, the long-term implications are greater. I will be in premature menopause and therefore at greater risk for osteoporosis and heart disease. The hormone replacement should mitigate this, but it won’t be perfect given that it is a one-size-fits-all type of treatment and not personalized to each patient (again, thank you, U.S.A., for your lack of investment in female healthcare and research!).

The one great thing about all of this is that my chances of developing BRCA-related cancers will finally be (nearly) gone. My oncologist even congratulated me on not having to see her anymore…as long as the pathology report post-surgery comes back clean…

Cheers to all the body flailing this year, and hopefully, this is my last major physical hurdle…

[Previous: Moonbox Notes #29]

La Vida Mundial:

The news is full of terrible and infuriating things every single day, so I thought I’d focus on sharing the good and hopeful-leaning (albeit, sparse) things instead:

San Francisco Gate | ‘Major milestone’: Rare animal reintroduced to California national park

Silicon Valley News | California tribe gets land back from church in ‘healing, reparative’ act

Good Good Good News | Seattle announces plan to build 100 tiny homes, combating city’s homelessness crisis

Gear Junkie | REI Union Stores Win Key Victory in Ongoing Dispute With Co-op

NPR | Germany halts its military exports that Israel could use in Gaza

NPR | Federal judge halts construction at Florida’s ‘Alligator Alcatraz’

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HBD to all Summer birthdays!

Recent Top Pick Reads:

+ “What ChatGPT, Data Centers, and Steak Can Teach Us About Water Scarcity,” by Dr. Len Necefer, All At Once By Dr. Len, Substack, Aug 7, 2025. A great thought piece about how we do or don’t remember to zoom out, how to approach the controversies surrounding water usage, and where the weight of consumption truly lies.

+ “Open Letter to the People,” by Ian M. Thompson, The Land Desk, Substack, Aug 8, 2025. A powerful and poignant letter written in the 70s challenging the impacts of “traditional values” and to whom and to what these values benefit. Pointedly, Thompson recalls an environmental impact hearing where a Navajo man challenges the speaking Anglos (who came advocating for what the Indigenous People hold sacred) to declare what they themselves hold sacred and why it must only be an Indigenous thing.

+ “In Prison, Running Gave Me Freedom. Losing It Changed Me.” by P.G. Sittenfeld, RUN powered by Outside, People, Aug 8, 2025. Sittenfeld writes about how his brief time in prison forced him to see running in a new light, and how it challenged him.

+ “Painting Iberian Oaks,” by Meredith Nemirov, Orion Magazine, Visual Art, Sept 23, 2024. The author briefly writes about her time in Spain, observing and painting an endemic oak to the region, contemplating how drought has impacted not just these trees but the world at large.

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Books/Mags in progress:

+ wife | daughter | self, a memoir in essays by beth kephart

Recent Listens/Watchings:

+ “How the Attention Economy is Devouring Gen Z — and the Rest of Us,” The Ezra Klein Show, The New York Times, Opinion, July 8, 2025. Klein interviews Kyla Scanlon to discuss the economy from the perspective of Gen Z, the tsunami of AI, and how Donald Trump is basically an algorithm of attention in a suit.

+ “How CATL Made Batteries 90% Cheaper (And What Happens Next),” Undecided with Matt Ferrell, YouTube, Aug 12, 2025. A brief dive into the sodium ion battery technology that has eluded the market for years, for many reasons, and how CATL has suddenly prioritized bringing the tech to the modern forefront of the electric vehicle assembly. (My thought: Is this the more sustainable answer to the EV boom?)

+ “Life After Plastic | The North Face,” The North Face, YouTube, Aug 12, 2025. A competition climber contemplates what is to come, or should come, after she attempts to qualify for the Olympics; and when she does qualify, what does climbing now mean for her post-competition and post-injury?

+ “The Long Path: A Journey of Becoming,” by Shai Ben-Dor, Vimeo, in partnership with Bigger Than the Trail, May 20, 2025. Runner and race director Kim Levinsky attempts an FKT on the 385-mile New York State Long Path, contemplating what it means to truly embody becoming a mental health advocate for her community. Requires renting (total, $3.86) and a Vimeo account (free).

Writing/Projects: (updates are highlighted)

+I currently have 1 general submission in the ether. The two flash nonfiction pieces for a Narratively contest were declined, and I’ve submitted a pitch to Orion Magazine for their Spring 2026 issue.

+My film project: We are nearing the end and should soon be discussing the film festival circuit/premier schedule.

+I’ve begun creating a musical album! After decades of creating tunes for myself and wishing to do more with them, I’ve finally decided to take it upon myself to bring these songs to life.

+The hybrid essay/memoir I wrote in 2021, “Chuckwalla,” still needs some major revision and writing.

+I have a science fiction novella I’ve been working on slowly since 2017.

MISC/Brags/Swag:

• I uploaded a short essay of mine that was published in print (Campfire Stories Volume II anthology) on my Substack. I made a few edits for greater clarity and added photos. Please give it a read!
• I was recently interviewed for a podcast and that episode is live! Women’s Running Stories is a site all about women with deep connections to running. Listen to my podcast episode here —> Trails, FKTs, Finding Deeper Meaning in the Outdoors
• Fenix Lightning sent me two headlamps for my L2H endeavor, and they also provided me an affiliate link and discount code for you to receive 10% off! Enter AFSARAA at checkout.

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Thanks for tuning in to Sarita’s Moonbox.

¡Feliz verano!